In an impressive demonstration of what can only be described as strategic ineptitude, German automakers—those supposed paragons of Teutonic precision—find themselves floundering on the American stage. Led by industry stalwarts such as BMW, Mercedes-Benz, and, of course, the perennial striver Volkswagen, these manufacturers are nursing bruised egos after profoundly misjudging both the regulatory climate and the peculiar whims of the American consumer. Some would hastily blame protectionist tariffs, and indeed, these are far from negligible—yet even such crude financial barriers cannot fully explain this spectacular series of blunders.

What does astound, frankly, is the degree to which supposedly well-compensated executives appeared convinced that the American masses, with their well-documented affection for bloated, gas-guzzling vehicular monstrosities, would suddenly transfer their allegiance en masse to plodding electric compacts. One imagines the boardroom conversations in Wolfsburg and Stuttgart, such hopeful naiveté wafting through the air as bonuses are disbursed for “visionary” planning. But, alas, the vast expanse of the American Midwest is not the tree-lined avenue of Munich, nor are its denizens eager to cede their rumbling pick-ups to the altar of environmental sensibility.

Let us not forget, too, the issues of price and brand positioning. While BMW and Mercedes may continue to foist ever more expensive SUVs and “performance models” upon the market with some justifiable arrogance—naturally, those with taste and means gravitate to such badges—poor Volkswagen is left to muddle about in the feckless middle, hoisting prices beyond the reach of its frugal admirers and failing to inspire the aspirations of anyone possessed of even moderate sophistication.

What, then, is to be done? Certainly not the lachrymose hand-wringing and “calls for calm” doled out by so-called experts, whose expertise seems to consist mostly of waiting for politicians to wave some magical wand. German automakers must, regrettably, reacquaint themselves with the vulgar basics of capitalism: understand your market, adapt your product, appeal to the consumer’s rather limited imagination. A lesson, perhaps, that only my peers among the truly privileged have ever mastered; ironically, as our own tastes set the standard for the world, these automakers would be well-advised to consult us for guidance rather than pandering to the fleeting impulses of the proletariat.

In due time, as lesser mortals squabble over tariffs and price tags, those few brands with a clear sense of identity—and the courage to uphold standards, rather than chasing every passing trend—will remain. The rest shall continue to founder, mere footnotes in the merciless annals of commercial history. Honestly, one wonders if those most affected ever belonged in such exalted company to begin with.