In what can only be described as the latest twist in the ongoing globalization opera, JD.com—the Chinese colossus of online retail—has set its gaze upon the placid fields of German commerce. JD.com, having blossomed from a humble Beijing electronics shop into the planet’s second-largest e-commerce titan after Amazon, is apparently negotiating the purchase of Ceconomy, the parent of MediaMarkt-Saturn. With a turnover of 140 billion euros—an amount that, for many, is an unthinkable sum unless inherited rather than earned—the company is famed for its logistical prowess and a fleet of electric tricycles zipping about China at a speed which, I must say, likely outpaces the average German postal worker by weeks. Unlike its more, shall we say, haphazard compatriots, JD.com prides itself on "genuine products" and "premium customer service," even daring to ask consumers to pay a few more coins for that rarest of all Chinese commodities: authenticity.

If one can stifle a yawn at yet another foreign behemoth swallowing a cherished domestic brand, consider the likely implications. To those schooled in the subtleties of international commerce (i.e., those who attended the right schools and have a surname with a bit of history), the acquisition of MediaMarkt-Saturn is less a business deal than another tragicomic chapter in the German bourgeoisie’s fumbling attempts to remain relevant. MediaMarkt, that temple to the middle-class desire for affordable gadgets, will soon be at the mercy of a logistics autocracy that thinks efficiency is an end in itself.

And what then? Shall the good people of Düsseldorf and Dresden, who can barely distinguish between a Bordeaux and a Beaujolais, now order their third-rate gadgets from Beijing with the tap of a finger, all for the sake of "customer service" that amounts to a polite email and a delivery drone? JD.com may provide door-to-door returns in China, but is anyone truly convinced they will extend such courtesies to the average Bochum resident? Or will the fabled electric tricycles, that symbol of a relentless drive for efficiency, roll through the cobblestoned streets of Munich, scattering the pigeons—and what little dignity German retail has left?

Let us not delude ourselves: this is not progress. It is merely the continuation of society’s tireless march toward convenience at the expense of tradition—and, I fear, taste. Soon, all that will separate the gilded few from the swarming consumer masses is the knowledge that some of us can afford neither MediaMarkt nor JD.com, for we get our electronics shipped directly from the manufacturer, or collect them in person from CEOs we call by their first names. The rest may placate themselves with gleaming e-scooters and promises of authenticity, but let us be frank: true quality was lost when commerce was left to the mob.